Do It Scared: Why Embracing Fear Is Empowering
I get scared, a lot.
Not always about things that would make my life worse, but about starting something that would make it better. It always feels more comfortable to do nothing, to let the waves lap the sand and sit back waiting for someone to save me, however this perception of peace is ill-informed.
Discomfort is the new comfort.
It’s not comfort, I get comfortable with what I’m used to, and if I’m used to lethargic, unhealthy and unproductive choices this will become, and has been my idea of serenity — tarnished with the wrong brush. The waves don’t exist, my toes aren’t in the warm, assuasive sand and I can’t hear the waves; but this doesn’t have to be a fantasy.
The fear and anxiety I have to write this now, or to put myself out there, or to start an entrepreneurial endeavour, or even study hard for exams, is burdensome. I’m a very binary person, in that, if I don’t or won’t do something at 100% there is no point, and I can’t be bothered to try and that’s terrifying. It’s a debilitating mentality beyond procrastination, but that’s for another time.
I have learnt fear only shows the importance to me and the nervousness is sign I should start that journey I have neglected. Of course real fear that excites our amygdala for a fight or flight response is more intense, but this is telling me what I want and what I need to do, a yearning for proper fulfilment.
The true meaning of confidence
Confidence is not the absence of fear, its a skill, its the ability to do the thing terrified.
I would say I’m a “confident” person, I’m outgoing, I love to see my friends and chat and will happily be the centre of attention. I don’t, however, think I am confident in the more grandiose sense of the word, I’m not brave enough.
I am not courageous enough to even realise that the worse that can happen is failure — which I know is a lesson for the future trials — but its daunting. The thought experiment of laying out the worst and best possible outcomes is not enough to prove to myself it’s worthy of overcoming my fear.
I did read an inspiring post where someone wrote:
“I want to do this thing!”
“Then do it”
“But I’m scared”
“Then do it scared”
The potential outcome, the process, the people don’t change, in fact the care and passion when doing something scary will drive you to do it better than you could ever imagine. The only thing that has changed in this scenario is fear, if that’s the additional cost to starting something, I can learn to live with that. In fact, practicing this and becoming comfortable with a different side of trepidation will make life easier in the long run.
This new level of comfort can become the serenity I live in. One of embracing fear, but of a different kind. I equally fear a mundane, monotonous and pedestrian life, but I have the power to choose which unease I want to sit in. A life where I move forward, or a life I move backward, each is hard, each is scary and they both are ultimately dependent on my goals but this is a line in the sand.
There are so many mantras and quotes that I have read that motivate me to jump head first.
“The cold water doesn’t get any warmer if you jump later”
“The pain of doing nothing is worse than the pain of doing something”
“Potential unrealised becomes pain”
“Fucking try”
“Good enough”
“1% better each day is 365% better by the end of the year”
Hopefully one resonates with you.
The uncertainty of life and what will happen to me is not an excuse to give up, but it’s not an excuse to not try. Although horrified of what people think of me and what my future holds, these are not things I can know or ever truly know.
That Burning Feeling
To step back and understand that the reality I perceive is blinded by biases and emotions will allow me to drop this fear at an instant. However that’s not really possible, although there is uncertainty in who and what I will become, I still feel this burning.
I do think its funny though, we can burn ablaze in a spectacular demonstration of light like fireworks, or we can burn to ash if not nurtured in the right way.
Its about how I let the fire burn in my belly, and the worst thing to do is to do nothing. Nothing will leave me with charcoal, but its the same fire — for different reasons. Burning up inside at the thought of failing, creating this unrealistic image of catastrophe, or burning at the thought of letting life happen too me.
Another quote, “life is coming from you, not at you”, this could mean a variety of things, but in this context I think it’s about getting off my ass and giving it a go, even if I’m petrified. I’ll be happy to ride out the lows if the highs feel ecstatic.
Settling
We have been trained to settle — get a full-time job, marry, buy a house, retire — but this innate desire to swim against the stream and explore means that the anxiety will have to remain. I do believe there is more to life than this and finding peace by embracing my apprehension will hopefully help me get there.
I hope sharing my experiences and developing understanding of finding peace will help you too. It's a lifelong journey, and I hope its worth something, as something is better than nothing.