And how you can use emotion as a driver and motivator

Introduction

In recent months, I've learned a valuable lesson that has transformed my thinking and actions—allowing myself to feel. This journey has reshaped how I approach self-growth and well-being.

Overthinking and Logical Defense

I enjoy learning, thinking, and understanding the world, but I rely on logic and reasoning as my defence mechanism. While this approach has benefits, it hindered my ability to acknowledge and label my emotions, a crucial skill for emotional intelligence. I try to do my therapy, which can have its benefits but also its downfalls. I think a lot and I understand how CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) works, I know what I need to do to feel better like exercising and getting better sleep, you get the point. Knowing effective methods to help whilst in a low mood and not actualising them can be detrimental. However, you don’t always have to go for a run when you feel like crap, just write the day off and know that tomorrow will hopefully be better, but ensure you have the tools to not turn one day off into ten.

Defending myself with logic prevented me from truly feeling and understanding my emotions. Attempting to think my way out of bad days posed challenges, as constantly trying to rationalise every emotion hindered my ability to be present. I didn’t struggle with one constant negative thought or emotion, more a general low mood throughout a length of time. 

Individual Differences in Emotional Awareness

Recognising the unique line between checking thoughts and understanding emotions is vital. Some excel at analysing thoughts but struggle with emotion identification, while others are highly emotional but find rationalisation challenging. Identifying one's domain is crucial for overall mental health. 

Present-Focused Mindset

If I stayed up late and didn’t work on an assignment for university and instead succumbed to distractions, I would spiral down the rabbit hole of overthinking. Forcing myself to believe I’m not productive and need to fix my procrastination issues, however, all we ever have is the present moment. Shifting from constant rationalisation, I've learned to embrace the present moment. Psychologist Alfred Adler's insight on happiness being tied to the present has influenced my perspective, emphasising the power of choosing how we react to current situations.

Inspired by "The Courage To Be Disliked," and many other acclaimed self-help books, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery, acknowledging internal contradictions. Acceptance of conflicting values and motivations became a cornerstone for moving forward. I have recently discovered beliefs, thoughts and even values I hold can often be contradicting. Rather than beating myself up about it and willing myself to have to be in favour of one value over another, I simply let it simmer. Leaving contradictions has been challenging, but overall understanding that a variety of beliefs and being a human with complex emotions is normal and this range will help guide me through numerous problems, inherently, is a good thing.

Being Okay with Not Being Okay

Understanding that it's okay not to be okay is a pivotal aspect of self-awareness. Half the battle is won when we accept our struggles and focus on moving forward despite contradictions and internal conflicts. These words have become a lot more tokenistic recently, but hold immense value when truly understood.

Acknowledging the ebb and flow of emotions, akin to waves in the sea, is crucial. Learning to surf the emotions closest to the shore, understanding that emotions fluctuate, and embracing the inevitability of negative feelings contribute to a more authentic emotional experience.  

Avoiding Emotional Invalidation

Recognising that unrealistic positivity can be invalidating, both to ourselves and others, is essential. Avoiding dismissive phrases like "It'll be alright" fosters a more genuine connection with our emotions. Not allowing ourselves to sit and reflect on our emotions can create a false sense of normality, that bad days are a bad thing and perfection is something to aspire towards. A society cultivated around constant dopamine and perfection on social media leads to positivity being used as the support system, however, it’s not always the best method.

Feelings are real and delicate

Drawing parallels between feelings and physical objects, I emphasise the importance of feeling emotions without trying to manipulate or avoid them. Acknowledging the reality and delicacy of emotions is vital for authentic self-awareness. Comparing something physical like a broken bone to emotions can be an important step in understanding the function of emotions. Putting a band-aid on a broken bone and leaving it would not suffice, so why do the same for your brain?

Conclusion

In the pursuit of improved mental well-being, embracing emotions, understanding individual differences, and allowing ourselves to feel without judgment are key components. This journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and authentic emotional experience fosters a more resilient and genuine approach to life's challenges. Just remember to feel, really feel your emotions.